Growing up in Budapest

I've always prided myself on being very mature, but the truth is, that was all a facade. The truth is I'm only eighteen, and while my life growing up was less than conventional, I still don't know where I fit in in this world. Like most people my age, I'm searching for myself and where I belong.

Growing up in the rockies in our one room house with no electricity, no running water, no heat, and no plumbing taught me to take care of myself. This gave me strength to know that no matter what, I can make myself at home, anywhere. I can live anywhere in the world without feeling I really need more in my home. Unfortunately, this also crippled me. I am socially awkward. I have confidence issues based primarily on the fact that my home life was not the same growing up as other kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I have had the most supportive and loving family that anyone could ask for. I am so lucky in that arena. However, I've had issues making friends, keeping friends, and dating. My 411 isn't exactly long or impressive.

Now I'm living in Budapest, and even though I've only been here two and a half weeks, I can feel myself developing in ways I didn't even know existed. I'm slowly moving past the insecurities of needing to impress people. I'm quieting down. I'm slightly less awkward, but still working on it.

Growing up so far away from everything I know is like a slap in the face. It turns out the rest of the world is also struggling with their politics, their health care, their economies. Everyone here is trying to find themselves and where they belong, and they don't time for petty complaints of self-hatred or narcissism. Everyone in the US is a self-hating narcissist. Everyone thinks about themselves, and judges themselves harsher than anyone else. If I ever thought no one was paying attention to me, they were probably just worried that I wasn't paying attention to them. We're a lot more alike than we think. The "pretty" people, the "ugly" people, the "poor" people, the "rich" people. We're all just people. This is something I knew in the US, but I didn't truly grasp until I saw everyone doing it, everywhere. If you need to connect, just walk out your door, and hear someone else's issues, which sound remarkably like yours.