Time to leave Budapest

Hello,

This is my last post from Budapest. I'm leaving in three days, and I think I'm ready to go home.

Budapest was not everything I wanted it to be. I guess I saw Budapest as an escape from what USF had been for me. I saw Budapest as a fun adventure in Europe which also traced my ancestral roots. I wanted it to be a place where I would be accepted and I would enjoy every second.

Instead, what little self-confidence I had plummeted within a few weeks of coming here. The only real friend I had here was Ellora, and I felt alone and stressed. I had homework, and I was living in a country where I did not speak the language. I continued to get more and more depressed as my journey here continued. The only relief I had was going to other parts of Europe. First Prague, then London, Ireland, and Krakow. In these places I was so overwhelmed with wanting to explore and take in as much as I could before returning to Budapest that I forgot about my petty problems.

My depression was most likely grown off of two factors. The first being that I already had low self-esteem and as I realized my depression, I began gaining more and more weight, which only increased my depression. The second being that the Budapest mentality is possibly the most pessimistic in the world. Hungary has the third highest divorce and suicide rates in Europe. This pessimism is also hypothesized to be the cause of early death. Most Hungarian men don't live past 56, though the number is increasing. Together with my intense loneliness and self-hatred, this downcast city created in me a sense of lost hope.

This is not to say that I didn't have some fun here. Every second I spent with Ellora, was amazing. She has become my closest friend, and I am so thankful that this experience was able to bring us together, though I am sorry for being a burden on her. I enjoyed my classes very much, though they were stressful. Particularly my Nationalism and Ethnicity class, which taught me to think in ways I had never before seen. And every time we went out with Laci, Zsofi, Melinda, or on field trips, I had an amazing time. And I now have my favorite places in the city; the Danube, Pink Cadillac (pizzeria), Jaffa and Zappa cafes, Pazmany Peter (the school), the movie theater jewelry store, the Great Market Hall, Heroes Square, Andrassy Utca, Raday Utca, Iguana vintage stores, and my apartment.

I do not know yet what I have gained from this experience, though I am glad I lived here for a semester, despite the hardship. It was a growing experience, to be sure. I just don't think Budapest is my type of city. I have no regrets in coming here, just a few gloomy memories.

Now that it is summertime, however, the city is opening up, and it seems, giving us a grand farewell. Today Ellora and I looked up while walking along Raday Utca, and saw medieval type flags everywhere. There were also historic lamps, and modern art pieces. Later, we heard loud drumming and ran out onto the balcony. Below we saw a parade of Chinese dragons, gargoyles, a sun, and even an ent. We still aren't sure what this was about, but we are certainly happy that we saw it. And yesterday it poured rain while the sun still shone. It was spectacularly beautiful.

I am very excited to come home in a few days, though a part of me will always be in Budapest.

Thank you, I love you.

--Seren Sehota