Cemetery Thoughts

This is just something I wrote while in a cemetery.

I think dying is when you miss a step. Your heart stops and you forget everything, just for that split second and your foot is searching for a place to belong. Except that death removes all thoughts, all sense of anything.

Your soul is the one looking for a place to belong. Then you find yourself surrounded by ivy and hungry crows looking to crawl all over you. Still, your heart hasn't caught up you. You're still searching.

Even when the bullets come. Erasing your tombstone with their selfish grace. You hear them, but it makes no impact on your thoughtless thoughts. You look out at the sunset, its beauty unbecoming on your grave.

What is beauty, or bullets, or ivy? It's all just nothing; nothing until your breath catches up with you and you find your step. Nothing until your foots hits the concrete stairway leading to your grave.

London

London was so incredibly fantastic. It was raining when we landed, the only time it did rain. Other than that it was very sunny with blue skies every day, if not freakishly cold (I'm talking 20 degrees average). I think that one day, I may want to live there for at least a little while.

Ellora and I stayed in the Ashlee House youth hostel, which ended up being not that good. Crowded, uncomfortable, and with French boys having sex in the next bed! But we didn't actually spend that much time there, no, we spent most of our time in the city sight-seeing and getting to know the place better.

The first day we went to the British Museum, which is HUGE!!! We took a 90 minute hight-light tour. It was quite educational, but tough to grasp everything. Next we went to St. Paul's Cathedral where we were awed and inspired by the architecture and color. Not to mention the 600 or so steps we took to get to the top so we could view the city from the high high tower. It was gorgeous.

We walked from St. Paul's to the London Bridge and by the Globe Theatre, not that exciting really, but still amazing and enjoyable. We went back to the hostel shortly after and decided to go to the Lucas Arm's Pub, which was so much fun. We didn't really drink but the experience of being in a real English Pub was delightful.

After we got back, some French boys asked us to join them at O'Neill's, a pub and club near Trafalgar Square in Leicester Square. We went but we never actually saw the boys there. No matter, we had a blast anyway. It was good music, good people, and great dancing, (the wild and crazy living room kind). It was fun, despite the fact that I re-sprained my ankle.

On Saturday, we went to Big Ben, Parliament, and inside Westminster Abbey. Wowza, talk about some history. We got to see all the great monarchs and poets and the like. Beautiful. Afterwards we went to Buckingham Palace, which was pretty, but no too exciting. It was nice walking through the park though. And finding where to go to Lord of the Rings, the musical.

What's that you say, Lord of the Rings became a musical? Yes, yes it did. And it was HILARIOUS and SUPERB. The story was abysmal, and the actors seriously needed training (especially the Aragorn and Gandalf). But Gollum was incredible, the actor was fantastic, reminiscent of Joel Grey and the like. The songs were actually surprisingly good, as were the dancing and battle scenes. The orcs were phenomenal dancers. And Arwen had a voice that angels would be jealous of. They did elliminate most of the major characters. The only characters they had were the four hobbits and Rosie, the rest of the fellowship, Arwen, Galadriel, Shelob, Soroman, Gollum, Treebeard, and Boromir's father. And that was it. They totally got rid of Rohan, and so much else. Ironically they kept some of the stuff that wasn't even in the movies, like Soroman in the Shire, kinda. Very very bad, but so wonderful. I'm definitely happy I saw it.

Our last day was spent in the British Museum, the Tower of London, the Tower Bridge, and Abbey Road. The British Museum had this great Terracotta Army exhibit that Ellora and I had to wake up for three hours ahead of time just to wait in line for tickets. But it was worth it. Another once in a lifetime opportunity for me. As a hopeful archaeologist, seeing all the ancient artifacts and warriors made can only be described as heart racing and jaw dropping. I nearly cried from happiness at one point.

The Tower Museum was fantastic. I got to see the Crown Jewels and they were so sparkly and shiny. Made me wish I was queen. Phew, big diamonds, big. The weapons and the fortress were incredible. It was like walking through 17th century England on the banks of the Thames. The Tower Bridge as well was like that.

Abbey Road, was a road. Not too much, but it was exciting to see where the Beatles walked, followed by Peter Jackson barefoot, (I think he wishes he was a hobbit beatle). We went to the most fantastic pub afterwards called the Marlborough Head with the best food, (treacle tart, yummy), and the bathroom was through a bookcase. So amazing.

The best moments for Ellora and I were seeing LotR the Musical, and walking through that bookcase in the pub. The only regrets I had were not seeing Kensington Gardens for the fairies, and discovering all the hidden less touristy places. But I know I'll be back, ready for more. And as an extra good sign, it was snowing when we landed in Budapest, the only time it has.

If you want to know more, email me specifically. co_dolphin@yahoo.com.

Prague

I'm not quite sure where to start with Prague, I mean, I was only there for a couple days, but I saw and did so much. Prague is beautiful. The only real problem that I found with it was the overcrowding of tourists. It was like Disneyland like that. People everywhere, all speaking different languages, the natives obviously annoyed. Other than that, however, Prague was perfect.

We got there mid-afternoon on Friday, and our first impression was actually of disgust. The city apart from the central touristy zones is incredibly filthy. Graffiti and dirt cover every building. As soon as we got to New Town Square and Old Town Square, however, everything sparkled with a kind of magic. Prague is very hilly and windy. Colorful European buildings line every street. Any where you go, there's a beautiful historical monument.

After we dropped our stuff off at the hotel, Laci and Zsofi took us to the new town square, which was beautiful and mall-like. Then they took us to old town square, which is much more historical. In the square is a clock tower, and every hour it rings, tourists crowd around wanting to see the way it changes. I saw it change about six times. I went up the tower the next day, and I could see all of Prague from up there. It's such a beautiful city. The rooftops are all red and Gothic cathedrals sporadically encompass the landscape.

My favorite thing we did the entire trip was walk across the Charles Bridge at sunset. It was so romantic crossing the bridge. It's a purely pedestrian bridge over the wide river, and couples lined the wall kissing under the yellow lamps. Fourteenth century statues stood on the side brimming with prestige and age. On a tall hill stood the castle and St. Vitus's Cathedral which is so beautiful. I walked up there twice, once at night, and once during the day. At night the lights of the city filled me with such hope and beauty. During the day, the history and age of the city was awe-inspiring.

Unfortunately, my camera broke so I didn't get any pictures of Prague, but Ellora got a lot, so as soon as she posts them, then I will too. I'm getting my camera fixed this weekend in London.

That's only a brief summary of my trip to Prague, but honestly it was just such a wonderful, fantastical journey putting it into words is practically impossible. If you want a fuller account, go yourself. Just don't go for more than a couple days, the tourists are really annoying. : )

Medici Exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts

Today in my Central European Literature class, Pedro surprised us all by taking us to the grand Medici exhibit in the Museum of Fine Arts instead of talking about Dante's Inferno. I was beyond gleeful to tell true.

The exhibit was amazing! In it was Italian Renaissance art from the late 15th and early 16th centuries. It included all the greats, DaVinci, Botticelli, Raphael, and even some Michaelangelo, not to mention other greats. Pedro took us so we could really understand the lifestyle Dante was used to before he was sent into exile.

I loved all the art. There were tapestries, portraits, coat-of-arms, I even saw the DaVinci painting "Female Head known as 'La Scapigliata'" from Ever After. I nearly cried when I saw it, two inches from my face. She was absolutely beautiful, the woman in the painting. But my favorite
was Botticelli's "Pallas and the Centaur." It was amazing, and ten feet tall. What astounded me most was how sad both of them looked. Pallas looked so guilty and regretful, and her counterpart looked as if he had stepped into hell. It was a beautiful portrayal of human souls and the consequences of actions. Those renaissance men really knew what they were doing.

I was especially interested in the fact that all the pictures of the Virgin Mary had her looking down, away from Jesus. I don't understand why she is looking down away from her son. Some of the pictures even had her face seem sad and remorseful. I'm not very familiar with much theology, but if anyone knows why, I'm keen to learn.

Growing up in Budapest

I've always prided myself on being very mature, but the truth is, that was all a facade. The truth is I'm only eighteen, and while my life growing up was less than conventional, I still don't know where I fit in in this world. Like most people my age, I'm searching for myself and where I belong.

Growing up in the rockies in our one room house with no electricity, no running water, no heat, and no plumbing taught me to take care of myself. This gave me strength to know that no matter what, I can make myself at home, anywhere. I can live anywhere in the world without feeling I really need more in my home. Unfortunately, this also crippled me. I am socially awkward. I have confidence issues based primarily on the fact that my home life was not the same growing up as other kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I have had the most supportive and loving family that anyone could ask for. I am so lucky in that arena. However, I've had issues making friends, keeping friends, and dating. My 411 isn't exactly long or impressive.

Now I'm living in Budapest, and even though I've only been here two and a half weeks, I can feel myself developing in ways I didn't even know existed. I'm slowly moving past the insecurities of needing to impress people. I'm quieting down. I'm slightly less awkward, but still working on it.

Growing up so far away from everything I know is like a slap in the face. It turns out the rest of the world is also struggling with their politics, their health care, their economies. Everyone here is trying to find themselves and where they belong, and they don't time for petty complaints of self-hatred or narcissism. Everyone in the US is a self-hating narcissist. Everyone thinks about themselves, and judges themselves harsher than anyone else. If I ever thought no one was paying attention to me, they were probably just worried that I wasn't paying attention to them. We're a lot more alike than we think. The "pretty" people, the "ugly" people, the "poor" people, the "rich" people. We're all just people. This is something I knew in the US, but I didn't truly grasp until I saw everyone doing it, everywhere. If you need to connect, just walk out your door, and hear someone else's issues, which sound remarkably like yours.

Cookies

I like cookies.


That's all I have to say.

Bad mentality

The last few days, I've had a very bad mentality. To the point of hostility toward a total stranger. I feel terrible now, but I honestly wasn't aware of what was happening until after it happened. Whatever, I'll get over it.

In any case, I want to apologize in advance for any future frustration I cause anyone. I don't actually hate you, I just get weird sometimes. Hey, I'm human.

But have no fear, it turns out art is really relaxing. Especially when it involves kissing and Scottish boys (I wish...nope no boys for Seren, not real ones anyway).

Our safe apartment and icons

Today I'm not really going to write about how amazing living in Budapest is, or how the people are so different. Instead I am going to write about my apartment and the wonderful things in it.

I love my apartment. I feel so safe and at home in it. Ellora and I have made it our own. It is possibly the first home I have ever lived in that feels truly safe from all the troubles of the world. I can just sit on my chair and feel complete. Ellora brought a good luck bell that we hung above our door that rings whenever the door is open. Every time I hear it ring I know that everything is going to be okay.

We already bought incense (aphrodesia, frankincense, super hit) and peach candles. So our apartment always smells like beauty and girlie-ness.

Today Ellora and I bought some icons to truly express ourselves and to make our apartment feel even more ours. We bought a chinese fan, a statue of Anubis, a cobra, a Buddha, and a beautiful statue of two children holding hands about to kiss. Now I am perfectly at peace in Budapest.